Uyuni - Salt plains

So rewinding back what seems like a lifetime ago, I wanted to write an account of our tour over the Salt plains of Bolivia (the biggest in the world):

Leaving Potosi on a bus bound for Uyuni, we started the 7 hour journey still with the taste of Potosi on our tongue, quite literally.

We knew before hand the road to Uyuni was of the typical Bolivian standards, unpaved, which translated loosely toast ploughed field. However, this bus for me was the worst we'd taken, not only did you feel your organs groaning as you hit the next (in a long line of) bump(s), but the choice of film playing was nightmarish - think Grange Hill meets Grease 2 (the bad one), then cut the budget by a factor of 10, include a man in a fringed cropped top, add some Spanish loons shouting at the top of their voices, and well, you get the idea!

So, back to the bus ride, we decided we couldn't take a minute longer of the entertainment, so started watching a film of our own. About 30 minutes later, we both felt a whole lot worse, travel sick you could say, then the stomach starts spinning... One thing I should mention at this point, Bolivians don't have toilets on buses, instead you bellow at the driver and you hope he stops, you then get a panoramic view of people doing what they wish they didn't need to. You also don't leave the house without your very own toilet roll, if you find a toilet roll, seat, toilet in a cubicle, you probably aren't in Bolivia!

Lucky for us, we managed to hold out for the next stop, a kiosk, restaurant, toilet kinda place. Before the doors had even opened there was a queue. So stood here now outside the toilet (small hut in a field), around 15 people we waiting for the next of two cubicles to become free... Whilst you wait you are occasionally treated to a tune or two. Here you discover there's two types of people, those who try to silence the noises of the human body, and those who literally just let fly!

This one guy, well he must have had a torrid time, noises I didn't think were even possible, over a period of seemingly hours. During this time, people banging at the door, threatening to throw 2 resident chickens under the cubicle, and laughing at you isn't what you need... Still he knew what he'd left for them, which perhaps explained his rye smile in exiting the stage. I thought toilet talk didn't get any lower than at home, but come to Bolivia :-)

Anyway, back on the bus again and feeling much better we managed to close our eyes. We rocked up at Uyuni around 2am, 8 hours later we had to be looking lively!

Uyuni, it's a fairly small place, probably Stoke Golding size, and today appears to exist almost solely to serve tourists looking to explore the Salt plains. We'd booked our tour in La Paz, and before doing so uncovered the fact that some of the drivers like a drink or two... Therefore we went with a Lonely Planet recommended company Lipez Expeditions, stipulating no borracho conductors (drunk drivers), or we'd be wanting a refund.

We waited for a while, got a bite to eat (2 very large pancakes with banana and honey (which I hardly touched)... Sorry M) and prepared for 3 days in a jeep, with Claire, Ricky, 3 Korean girls and the guide/driver. I won't go into the exact itinerary (you can Google that), but a quick run down of each day instead:

Day 1: we first visited the Train Cemetery, the line which runs from Chile to La Paz is home to a myriad of old (British/German made) trains It's good for a few photos if nothing else! I believe the line still carries freight occasionally from Chile to La Paz - but don't quote me!

We also visited the first Salt hotel, which we're told was shutdown due to causing ecological issues in the surrounding area. It's now a museum, interesting to see but offers little else, other than Coke and Pringles.

Next stop was the Fish Island, which is the highlight of the day. It's a coral island in the middle of an 80km salt desert, here you can take some great shots (the cliche, people in a hat/dinosaur type), and also go trekking up to the top of the island (25mins) and take in the surroundings.

We then headed to the Salt Hotel for the evening, which was pretty smart. Alas, no hot water and questionable cuisine. Here Miranda began to feel a little 'Bolivian', and we collectively also began to wonder how much our 'guide' had drank judging by the blood shot eyes and the slurred speech.

Day 2: We left early as we had quite a distance to cover. I think it was around this time we began to think our driver (sorry, guide) was a complete tool. He basically drip fed snippets of what we could get from him and for the rest of the time remained completely disinterested in us.

Today we saw plenty of lakes, all of which had names revolving around their colour, red, green, you get the idea. They're all home to Flamingo's but very little else, scenery and setting wise though they've beautiful to look at. Oh and it was hot, incredibly hot...

As we'd spent the previous day in the middle/front of the jeep (8 seater) we thought we'd let the Koreans have a sit in the middle. Our generosity backfired when it can apparent our legs weren't best suited here, and that the ickle Koreans were better suited to this!

We probably need to add that as a result of our lunch we were all feeling that at a moments notice we could seriously 'lose control', unfortunately for Miranda she seemed to be the worst affected... stomach cramps and nausea ahoy!

Luckily along the way through the national park there's a few toilet stops, which frankly we were all VERY glad to see! About an hour later we felt we were relatively safe to continue our journey (hey, there was a big queue). At this point, leg ache, tiredness, frustrations, stomach cramps had gotten the better of most of us - Miranda wasn't feeling or looking to great, so asked one of the Koreans to swap to the back. On refusal, I very kindly (using crossed eyes, and a different tone) asked them again...

So, with Miranda now in the middle, we headed on to the next spectacle, the 'Tree Rock'. On the way there our 120,000 mile Toyota Landcruiser began to make some wonderful noises, which at first I guessed was down to a dodgy suspension mount, about 20 minutes later we were sat stationary in a desert with what I think is a broken front diff... To be fair, as much as we didn't like the driver, he did a decent job of getting us moving again, getting covered in oil in the process.

The going was slow, stopping relatively frequently to check it, but eventually we made it to the refuge for the night. Basic place, with no heating, sparse electricity and definitely no hot water! This was where the fun started, at this stage Miranda had been literally bought to her knees with illness - can't remember seeing someone look so ill from sickness and a (severely) upset stomach. Between us all we managed to scrape together enough drugs to just about cope, but lets just say that night is one we'll never forget, for all the wrong reasons! During the night it became clear I wasn't going to escape scott free, but thankfully my ride wasn't quite as torrid!

Day 3: Due to having such a diabolical night, and knowing full well we were leaving at 4:30am to watch the sunrise, see the geysers, and wallow in the thermal baths. We really weren't at all sure if Miranda was going to be in any state to continue in the morning. But thankfully we left the following morning with a full crew, and Miranda tentatively clutching to her only hope... a plastic bag!

As time passed that day, we all started to feel better, little by little. For me, this was almost solely down to the thermal baths, which in those surroundings and the almost unbearably hot water (the best kind). Sadly, I didn't have my swimming buddy, but I think we were just all glad she was gaining some colour - which incidentally is a few shades darker than you'll remember her! Incidentally whilst Miranda waited in the Jeep for everyone she overheard our driver offering another driver a beer at 7.30am. No wonder the drivers seemed so out of it by night if they started drinking this early in the morning!

Next stop was the white and green lake, the green being full of arsenic and therefore devoid of any life... Beautiful none the less!

Finally, we headed over the Chilean border, and from there it was a short bus ride to San Pedro de Atacama... Which thankfully falls outside the scope of this post!

There's two things that could of made this trip better, firstly a better driver/guide, secondly, not losing my North Face Gore-Tex shoes! Bugger...

Anyway, best leave you all to rest your now very tired eyes!


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